Notes from an Accidental Scholar

" title="Notes from an Accidental Scholar"> Notes from an Accidental Scholar

Posts tagged with ‘workiness’

Where am I?

January 23, 2012

I don’t have much time, so here’s what I’ve been up to:

  1. I had an incred­i­ble 90-minute meet­ing with one my com­mit­tee mem­bers about my recent chap­ter sub­mis­sion and I feel like a real, honest-to-god scholar. His feed­back was sup­port­ive, spe­cific, and crit­i­cal — I left his office invigorated.

  2. I’m fin­ished with Chap­ter 2 for now. I’ve done all I can is put it on the back-burner and let it sim­mer while I prep for my next chapter.

  3. I just fin­ished Caleb McDaniel’s excel­lent post, “The Dig­i­tal Early Repub­lic” on the research data­base meth­ods for find­ing trends in pri­mary sources.

  4. Cleaned out my diss drawer in my desk and found a ton of arti­cles I planned to read, but never got to. I have a cold today so I’m going to track them down elec­tron­i­cally so I can read them on my iPad (see above).

  5. I really need to stick to my diss map, or at least, keep it in front of me as a reminder of what the hell I’m doing.

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Rage Against the Machine.

November 15, 2011

Today was a chal­lenge: this morn­ing, as part of a coor­di­nated national effort, New York’s base for the Occupy Move­ment was forcibly evicted from Zucotti Park. I con­sider myself a bystander at best, a wit­ness to what they do and their strate­gies for push­ing back against an over­whelm­ing goliath. But, I didn’t real­ize how much I needed them until they were kicked out of the park. When we heard the news, both my hus­band and I were dis­traught. We started lash­ing out at each other, over oat­meal of all things, sim­ply because we were so mad we needed to take it out on some­one, anyone.

Since I couldn’t do any­thing but watch Twit­ter, I went to the gym. A. needed some play­time with other kids and I needed to run my ass off for an hour. It didn’t help.

Sit­ting down to write this after­noon was a no-go. I received some kind advice from the inter­net (thanks @lizgloyn, @phd2published, and @ThomsonPat). I also reached out to a friend wherein we dis­cussed OWS in the con­text of try­ing to fin­ish our dis­ser­ta­tions and strug­gling with our his­tory of union activism. Today was an “all hands” kind of day and I’m sud­denly very thank­ful to all of the great peo­ple in my ana­log and dig­i­tal life. I’ve been in a funk for the past week or so about not get­ting the right kind of advise­ment or not being far enough along when, in the end, I’m not doing this to for my advi­sor nor is there any other mea­sure for how I should do this other than the way that I’m doing it. I write because I love what I do and I’m lucky enough to have allies who see its value as I do.

As for Occupy Wall Street, hang in there guys, I’ll see you Novem­ber 17.

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Do You Feel Productive?

November 14, 2011

Well? Do ya punk?

When I started writ­ing this post, I didn’t feel pro­duc­tive or lucky. I just felt behind, like I ALWAYS feel. I also felt a lit­tle angry, despite rais­ing the stakes of dis­ser­ta­tion com­ple­tion, I’m not really push­ing along any faster. My word surge at the begin­ning of AcBoW­riMo is begin­ning to look increas­ingly like a coin­ci­dence rather than the result of an out­spo­ken oblig­a­tion. A few folks have dis­cussed AcBoW­riMo as being as much about tim­ing as it is pro­duc­tiv­ity. You have to be ready to out­put words, it doesn’t just hap­pen because you’ll say it will hap­pen. Productivity-wise I was pretty pro­duc­tive today: I revised my chap­ters in a more pro­duc­tive man­ner, using the chore­og­ra­phy method in Help­ing Doc­toral Stu­dents Write, (p. 92), I did some read­ing, and I added another 677 new words.

I think the prob­lem with dis­ser­ta­tion writ­ing is that so much of the work is not mea­sur­able. I met with my diss advi­sor early this fall, and she told me she feels like I’m in the same place as I was a year ago. I’ve done a ton of work since then, but it’s all research frag­ments, read­ing, and pro­cess­ing. I want to think that this work is cru­cial to fin­ish­ing, but it doesn’t feel val­ued by my advi­sor or insti­tu­tions at large. So how do we mea­sure progress in the process of writ­ing the dis­ser­ta­tion when so much of it isn’t fluid writ­ing yet?

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Tell the Story

April 26, 2011

Dur­ing my meet­ing with my diss advi­sor last week, it became abun­dantly clear that my chap­ter is still all over the place. It opens with an anec­dote about the 1796 arrest of a pop­u­lar 18th-century car­i­ca­ture artist, James Gill­ray, along with his assis­tant and pub­lisher. I describe the event for maybe 2 pages and then imme­di­ately launch into an analy­sis of what I think it means. His­to­ri­ans aren’t sup­posed to do that. Before any dis­cus­sion of the the­o­ret­i­cal and con­cep­tual frame­work, you have to tell the story. My advi­sor says that I“m “not yet think­ing like an historian…”

See, you’re think­ing like an Amer­i­can Stud­ies per­son, which is all about the the­ory first. I need the story before you tell me about it.

For any of you non-grad stu­dents out there, you’re prob­a­bly think­ing, “duh!” But for those of us who are plow­ing the fields of lan­guage, it’s easy to get lost in the minu­tiae of writ­ing. In my last post, I included my word count to date — 39,700 — which amounts to a sub­stan­tial body of infor­ma­tion. How­ever, in that process I lost site of the story. To help me get back on track, Prof. Advi­sor sug­gested I stop col­lect­ing and read one book over the week­end: Near Ander­son­ville by Peter H. Wood.

Wood is an Amer­i­can his­tory pro­fes­sor at Duke Uni­ver­sity, spe­cial­iz­ing in black 20th-century life in the South. In the Fall, I attended a lec­ture where he spoke about his lat­est book, Near Ander­son­ville, a three-part essay about the above paint­ing by Winslow Homer. The paint­ing was unknown until it emerged in the 1960s and even after it was donated to the Newark Museum in 1966 (where it remains today), the paint­ing was kept in stor­age due to its poten­tial for aggra­vat­ing racial hos­til­i­ties in Newark. Through a nar­ra­tive that begins with the prove­nance of this paint­ing, Wood launches into the his­tory (I almost wrote “dis­cus­sion”) of Winslow Homer’s life and rela­tion­ship to the trauma of Civil War, a close read­ing of the paint­ing in the con­text of the 1860s and 1960s, and the pol­i­tics and power of doc­u­ment­ing war through the eyes of a slave woman. It’s a quick and fas­ci­nat­ing read (124 pages with end­notes) and demon­strates Wood’s nar­ra­tive strength, a skill lack­ing in my own writing.

Peter Wood is what my advi­sor calls a historian’s his­to­rian. He doesn’t muck about with the­o­ret­i­cal impli­ca­tions or dwell too long on mean­ing, he sim­ply tells the story. As an Amer­i­can Stud­ies grad­u­ate stu­dent, I’m trained to describe mean­ing. I do inter­dis­ci­pli­nary work, which means I write and research about stuff I like by pulling meth­ods from dif­fer­ent dis­ci­plines. I’m deeply invested in cul­tural and com­mu­ni­ca­tion stud­ies, so I’m trained to dis­cuss how a medium or mes­sage pro­duces and is pro­duced by mean­ing. I learned the hard way that tra­di­tional his­to­ri­ans don’t do that. At Wood’s lec­ture, my advi­sor intro­duced me to him and I asked how he saw the pro­duc­tion of black­ness oper­at­ing in the paint­ing. He flat out said he didn’t know what I meant by “black­ness” and it wasn’t par­tic­u­larly rel­e­vant to his book, he was inter­ested sim­ply in the story of the paint­ing. I felt like a dummy, an impos­tor, and that my ques­tion was ludi­crous, but why? The next day, Prof. Advi­sor gave me a signed copy (addressed to me!) of his book. She told me my ques­tion was per­fect, because it demon­strated the clear dif­fer­ence between the Amer­i­can Stud­ies and His­tory dis­ci­plines — His­tory tells the story, Amer­i­can Stud­ies tells you what that story means. This is sim­plis­tic, but think­ing about it this way helps me to refor­mu­late my writing.

So I think I finally kind of get it, sort of. My next steps are to return to the Gill­ray arrest in 1796 and report the who, what, when, where, and why. Which begs the ques­tion: are his­to­ri­ans jour­nal­ists? Am I the last per­son to fig­ure this out?

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